We Are Responsible For What We Say, Not What Others Understand

Communication is not an especially simple process. What we say is sometimes misinterpreted, and this is because our interlocutor often has his own view of things.  Far from listening, the other prepares only to respond.

Our previous perceptions, the subtle defect of categorizing reality before understanding it and speaking before listening to those in front of us are the most common mistakes when communicating.

Therefore, when we often struggle to clarify an aspect, when we are tired of giving one explanation after another, without understanding or proximity, maybe it is time to accept that sometimes it is better stop investing energies and strength in something that has no solution.

What we say, what we communicate and what others understand

The first condition for the communication process to be effective is respect. However, sometimes, we can prove that this is not always fulfilled.

There are those who choose to raise their voices thinking that, with this, they can make themselves better understood; others are unable to maintain eye contact with which to empathize, maintain a more harmonious conversation, listening to everything we say.

Let us analyze all these aspects in detail.

The communicative styles we grew up with

The communicative style with which we live throughout our childhood and adolescence undoubtedly carries a lot of weight and can even position us in one direction or another.

• The authoritarian style, for example, is this type of dialogue in which the person, far from listening to what we say or intuiting our needs, defines a single direction in communication. From what has more power to what has less.
• Authoritarianism knows nothing about dialogue, listening or empathy. It is limited to ordering only. All of this will make the child feel that what he thinks or feels is not important.
• The person who is educated in this style of communication from an early age, in which his needs are met and in which every word is considered important, grows more confidently and with better self-esteem.

It is important to learn to listen to “what is not said”

When we talk about the need to learn to also listen to “what is not said”, we are referring above all to developing adequate empathy, something that not everyone applies in their daily lives.

• Sometimes a phrase is much more than a set of words with a certain meaning. The expression of the speaker, the tone of voice and gestures define this type of non-verbal communication, which sometimes has more weight than the verbal one.
• We’ve come to an increasingly common point where we stop looking each other in the eye to talk. Many times this non-verbal communication has been replaced by “emoticons”, since a large part of our dialogues and what we say is transmitted through electronic messages.
• It’s important to cultivate face-to-face conversations where the eye pays attention, where the gaze is wise, intuitive, and close. This is the most important pillar of communication, because communicating is, above all, projecting emotions.

Failing to give explanations to those who understand what they want

There are battles we have to give up for lost, even though it affects our soul, even though with this act of acceptance we have to assume that even the people who love us the most don’t understand us.

• Sometimes  the dialogue goes far beyond loved ones and even emotions. We are already talking about values.
• Let’s think about the case of a family, of parents who do not understand that their child has chosen a certain partner. You can talk to them about love, sincere affection, and yet all these pillars will have no meaning for people for whom these aspects are unimportant in front of others, such as “what will they say”, or “if you if he goes and leaves us, it is a betrayal” .

It is clear that there are cases and cases. That sometimes what we say, what we stand for, is of no use to those who do not listen or want to build bridges of understanding, respect and affection.

Therefore, before continuing to fight in useless disputes, there will be no other remedy than to accept other people’s positions and understand that communicating does not always mean being able to understand each other.

However, we have to remember that, despite this, there must always be respect.