How To Deal With Jealousy Between Siblings
Jealousy between siblings is common and normal. For a child who has been an only child for a few years, the arrival of a baby who demands the full attention of his parents and other adults in the family can cause jealousy.
Meanwhile, parents are wondering if they will love the second baby as much as the first child, but for children, the worry is the opposite: “Will my parents stop loving me?” The doubt may be even greater in young children, but it will not cease to exist among older children or even teenagers.
The fact that jealousy between siblings is a natural thing does not mean that we have to let children suffer from it. Just as we cannot neglect the baby who has recently arrived in the family. We must balance attention and share the love we have so that all children are well and happy.
Prepare the children for the arrival of a sibling
The work of managing sibling jealousy begins even before the second or third baby is born. That is, it starts with the first child.
By raising the first child with all the love, time, contact, and respect, he will understand that he must share his parents with a new family member.
Once we give you the news that the mother is pregnant, the child has to start being part of the process. Sibling love does not arise without explanation, nor is it inherited, nor does it exist automatically because of kinship. It is up to parents to plant this seed to germinate in the context of daily life.
The love for the brother is cultivated from the gestation. You might want to take your child with you to see the baby’s ultrasound. That way he will be able to “know” his brother while still inside his belly.
He can also participate in prenatal stimulation exercises or participate in choosing the baby’s name. Bringing children closer to the brother who is coming is the parents’ responsibility.
When jealousy between siblings grows
Children must know that babies are here to stay. Although for the first few months they monopolize the parents’ attention, as they grow older they will gradually become playmates.
Even if siblings are very different in age, there can still be space to share and bond. For this process to be successful, parents are key players.
Jealousy between siblings arises because children want their place in the family and in their parents’ hearts. That’s why the older brother is jealous of the younger one, but the opposite can also happen.
It is up to parents to provide security and confidence to all children. Everyone is loved and their needs and particularities must be met. The objective is that the chances of the appearance of jealousy can be minimized.
Strategies for managing jealousy
Jealousy between siblings can manifest itself in several ways: tantrums or bad behavior, regressions to stages that have already been overcome, arguments and fights. However, parents can minimize the chances of jealousy. Here we will teach you some strategies:
- Each child needs to be cared for and loved according to their individual personality and characteristics.
- Parents must create spaces for meeting and sharing between siblings.
- There must be boundaries and rules between siblings. No matter how angry they are, they can’t stop talking or go to sleep or wake up without greeting each other. Neither can they insult or disrespect the other, nor resort to physical violence to resolve their differences.
- It is necessary to look for moments where parents personally respond to the needs of each child.
- You need to explain to children that you don’t love one child more than another. However, saying this is not enough: this has to be true and has to be demonstrated daily.
- Parents must avoid preferential treatment of one or the other child.
- The comparisons between the children are absolutely prohibited.
- If children fight, parents should avoid resorting to violence. You have to provide the tools so they can resolve their differences.
When sibling jealousy turns into open rivalry or even physical confrontations, you should seek the support of a therapist or psychologist. In addition, you should also seek help if one of the children is torn in a regressive, depressive, or aggressive attitude.
Final reflection on jealousy between siblings
Respect for the individuality of each child is essential to avoid jealousy between siblings. Likewise, parents are the ones who should cultivate love and respect among their children.
Parents, in turn, are responsible for dedicating the same quality of time, love, and respect to their next children. This does not guarantee that there will not be times of arguments or even fights with the brothers. But they will be able to resolve their differences, certain that they are guaranteed their place in their parents’ hearts.
