5 Ways To Contain Toxic Relationships In The Family
No one deserves to live in an emotionally toxic environment. Getting out of it is not only necessary, it is absolutely vital. There are toxic family members that can do us a lot of harm. Each member of the family unit can complicate our life either through their behavior or their words.
Thus, the family is one of the most common environments among which the drama of toxic relationships develops. Furthermore, there is one more difficulty: we cannot distance ourselves from these people, as there will always be something that unites us.
We can have ex-partners, but not ex-mothers, ex-fathers, ex-siblings, ex-grandparents, etc. That is, we can end a couple relationship, but we cannot do that with our family members.
We cannot choose our family and that requires that, even if we don’t like it, we have to adapt. We usually find ourselves subjected to certain norms within our family, and this drowns us.
This makes us feel like slaves, trapped and with no way out. Furthermore, the more relevant the place or position of the toxic family member, the more difficult it will be to solve or exercise our rights.
They say there are two types of families: rigid and flexible. In the former, toxicity dominates, as its operation is the result of the intense and irrational use of power.
The fact that this happens implies great difficulty in relating, as we are prevented from freely expressing feelings, opinions, conversations or showing ourselves as we are.
These familiars are, without a doubt, emotional vampires. It is these people who impose things, feel envy and disregard for someone they should take care of.
As we mentioned, the most logical and likely thing is that we are not able to break this relationship easily, as a family bond does not dissolve so quickly.
However, there are times when relationships intensify and there is no other solution but to escape the toxic environment.
How can we act?
According to Laura Rojas Marcos, most conflicts come from power struggles, the feeling of entitlement and the lack of limits.
What are the keys to freeing ourselves from a family member who wants to harm us with their words or actions?
1. Putting yourself in the shoes of others: empathy
This does not mean that we must submit to the desires or needs of others, but that we are willing to understand what happens beyond words and actions.
In other words, “practicing empathy” means listening and considering what others say. This will help us to accept the possibility of not agreeing on what is asked of us, as everyone has different needs.
In these cases, there must be a pact of respect for the disagreement, something that will facilitate coexistence. That is: you want something that is not compatible with what I want, let’s accept it and move on.
2. Respect each other’s intimacy and space
Respecting the other means accepting that “no” is an answer, thus tolerating frustration, even if it seems unfair. We can’t meddle in other people’s things, as we can develop big family conflicts.
As Rojas Marcos tells:
“ in family relationships, things are done that don’t please everyone. If we enter a child’s house unannounced or if we make a call at an inappropriate time, we need to be prepared to receive an answer that we may not like and that marks the limits of the relationship ”.
3. Be respectful and stand firm
It is usually customary for family conversations to say the first thing that comes to mind. That’s because we do n’t pass the filter of politeness and respect in our words and actions.
It is likely that a large part of us has a close family member who thinks he can say whatever he thinks and that their perceptions and opinions are above all others.
This will create big conflicts. That’s why it’s important to keep your distance in these situations and calmly set boundaries, explaining to the person that what they said is causing emotional pain.
4. Be assertive and use magic words
There are family relationships that are based on power games. They probably don’t want power, they just want freedom to act and express themselves, and there may be people who make this transition difficult.
In these situations, we must express ourselves by saying “I can’t”, “I don’t want to” or “I don’t agree”, without fear. It’s important to feel secure with ourselves, act with determination, and assert our ability to choose.
Furthermore, even if we are in the family, we should always say the words “thank you” and “please”, since with them we express consideration and kindness, showing respect.
5. Be patient
Being impatient leads us to act impulsively and not reflect when evaluating circumstances and decision-making. For this reason, it is essential to develop our capacity for waiting and reflection before acting.
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Let’s not forget that vampires and emotional wreckers are present in all contexts of our lives, which requires us to be adept at identifying and protecting ourselves from them.
Thus, it is important that we learn to control the intensity of emotions such as anger, as they can generate drama.
We must keep common sense and evaluate the consequences of our actions, taking into account the emotional and physical limits that we should never exceed.
Source: “Family: from toxic to healthy relationships”. Laura Rojas Marcos.
